Monday, November 15, 2004


I can't think of a subject line for this post that won't sound dirty.

The US Supreme Court won't overturn an Oklahoma Supreme Court decision to uphold that state's ban on cockfighting. This is the absorbing sport of watching two roosters slice each other up with knives attached to their heads (all the while chanting "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way").

I'm shocked and impressed that the same state who elected to the U.S. Senate a guy who says abortion doctors deserve the death penalty had the compassion to pass this law at all. Then again, maybe they were just trying to be cool--after all, 47 other states have already joined the No Cockfighting Club (the lone holdouts are Louisiana and New Mexico).

Anyway, the attorney for the "sports enthusiasts" claimed that the law would prevent people from enjoying birds in their natural habitats. It was so vague, the lawyer claimed, that people could be arrested for watching bluejays fight in their backyards. Because "all birds fight by nature."

But what Mr. Behavioral Ecologist doesn't know is that fighting in nature rarely results in actual death or maiming. Fighting in nature is mostly posturing, the animal equivalent of trash-talking. Lots of shoving, wing-flapping, teeth-flashing, hackle-raising--you get the idea (note: hackle-raising and wing-flapping sold separately). Usually in nature you don't find animals with WEAPONS STRAPPED TO THEIR HEADS, and even when you do, as in the case of deer, rams, etc., the antlers/horns are used to wrestle, not slash.

Speaking of total shitheads, you can now buy a tourist package in Norway that will let you, personally, kill a baby seal.

It's nice to feel morally superior to at least some Europeans for a change.

P.S.: Even if you were somehow compelled to bet on backyard bluejay battles, how could you tell which was which? It's hard to get them to wear those shiny shorts.


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